Testo Toxicity

Running away from my problems isn't working
My demons are everywhere, steady provoking
I'm trapped in an endless void, abyss
Horrible premonitions, feel so reminiscent
There's so much pain, it's an endless strain
I'm trying not to fear, but my nightmares interfere
Tired, dealing with misery and pain
I can't find a solution, I don't know what else to do Emotions ran dry, I'm done with all this coping
This isn't what I was hoping
My life's too toxic, hope it decays
Maybe it'll get better, I'm praying for better days
Everything is toxic, my reality has changed
I used to live freely, now, I stay cautious
Reflecting on my past, it makes me nauseous

Last year, I got arrested, probation for six months
Couldn't think straight, everything was so abrupt
That was the first and only time I ever shed tears
Each day on probation, my demeanor changed
More emotional scars had appeared
Kicked out multiple times, increased my fear
Try to handle it out in reality After getting arrested, I realized something
Gave up perseverance, realized I was nothing
At that point, I thought I wasn't going to make it
Someone gave me insight, I didn't take it
Thought, "Was hope really in sight?"
I was blindsided about how my life was ruined
Almost laid in a casket, remaining in ruins
A year later, I saw some improvement
Then again, that was just a premonition
I failed, couldn't complete my mission
Now here I am, thinking about my future
Should I keep going? (I don't know)
My life's so unstable
Disregard all the pain? Don't know if I'm able

Can't cope with all this pain, my reality's toxic
Try to forget all the past, I don't know how to stop it
Trying to live a better life, spiraling out of control
Feel like I'm stuck in a deep hole
Just trying to make it out in life, that's my goal
Why and how did my life end like this? (I don't-)
Why and how did my life end like this? (I don't-)

Honestly, I hate it, please pray for me
People prayed on my downfall multiple times
Didn't know how to cope anymore
Everything's fading away, disappearing
Trapped in an endless cycle of terror and pain
I'm tired of everything, feeling desaturated
Broken, torn to pieces, disaggregated
Is this life or death for me? Is it the end of me?
Had multiple epiphanies, vivid dreams of my past
Wish my life was the way it was before
I was so untroubled, everything was alright
Next thing I know, it all ended up in spite
Despite everything that I tried to accomplish in life
It went awry, now I'm left with pain and strife
Life? More like my poison, done with this toxicity
My life's treacherous, mischievous
Am I really achieving or is my mind tricking me?
I'm dizzy, family and friends are questioning me
People act so cold to me, "No scolding please"
I'm fragile, about to break, my mentality's toxic
Someone give me the answers on how to stop it