Testo 2 Dollar Bill

In this old money bar where the college kids pray
To PBR and whisky on Monday and Wednesday
And Saturday, we had just got off the stage
Which meant Noah was off with a girl
Who like boys that play bass
She was staying with her grad student sister
Whose old pull-out couch couldn't fit Noah with her
They asked if I would take one for the team We were drunk negotiating where the lovers would sleep

For my help and all my goodwill
She gave me a two-dollar bill

Now they're fucking out in my rental car
Just two souls in the dark, under New England stars
And I'm freezing in a dim parking lot
And I'm tryna get lost while they're tryna get off
And they will
And I got this two-dollar bill

The very next day, I drove up to Boston
To see what had changed in the decade since college
I bought weed on Newbury Street Took the Green Line to Kenmore
Pretended that I was nineteen
Chinatown, I got number four chicken
Took twenty-five minutes to wish that I didn't
It was the oldest that I'd ever felt
I was sad and nostalgic and shitting myself

Found a hotel and rang the front desk
Said, "I know it's only for guests"

Hey, buddy, I'm a desperate man
And we don't know who I am, but my life's in your hands
He said, "This goes against our protocol
Use the employee stall"
And I thanked him for all his goodwill
And I gave him that two-dollar bill

(Woo-hoo)
(Woo-hoo)
(Woo-hoo-ooh)
(Woo-hoo)
(Woo-hoo)
(Woo-hoo-ooh)
(Woo-hoo-ooh)

Walking back home, he was exhausted
Reached for his keys, something fell out his pocket
The wind blew it right down the hill
To the pretty girl whose name was Jill
And when he saw her time stood still
She said, “Hey there, excuse me, did you drop this two-dollar bill?"