Testo To Learn

What can I say?
I'm learning to lie
But I'm living to learn
What to lie about

I'm losing again
From holding too tight
But I'm living to lose What I can do without

I've played a few games
Where no score could be fitting
But I'm learning when winning is
Just not worth the sport

And I've been so ashamed
That I've run like the wind
But I'm learning about giving up
And sparing the horse

When I've been cruel
I've taken up self hatred
Procrastinating pains Of finally seeing myself

But when I looked on the truth
And it bloomed for all its patience
There was ugliness and shame
But there was
Something else

What can I say?
I'm learning to die
But I'm living to learn