Testo Hindsight

I'm in this ten by ten foot room and I can barely breathe,
I'm waiting on a call that you'll never make.
I can't handle this hesitation.
But you'll call me tomorrow with new excuse.
Something along the lines of “We'll do this soon”
because you don't have the spine to admit that I'm not for you.

Give me a second to think about the words that you just said. They're circling inside my head with nothing but subtle thoughts of you and a migraine.
And I'm trying to stay afloat in this lake of my own confusion.
But this weight on my shins sinks as deep as the words that you use as you please.
You don't care what they mean.

And all this time in diners has made me realize the time is never right.
I should never have tried.

You were the best part of my week.
I never told you what this meant to me.
And all this time, you never told me that you'd flake.

I'm always dragging my feet in disbelief.
Too many ways that things could go wrong.
Too cautious, too careful and fearful that the next thing I say might end it all. The only problem is I can find something wrong with anything.
But tired eyes will miss my reflection.
I'm waking up to a view from the bottom.

I've lost my sense of direction.
I can't tell the difference from my reflection.
But dead leaves on the street bring me back from this wishful thinking.
I've let go of the thought that anything special exists there.
That anything special exists anywhere

This is not a cry for attention.
It's just the way I've always felt,
and I miss waking up in a different state,
with all the plans that fell through,
all the shit that's rained down on us.
And I'm just waiting out the storm.

And I'm just waiting out the storm that is this weather breaking,
the cold air's sinking in my lungs.
I'm hoping winter doesn't last so long.
It's hard enough to see you moving on.
And all these backyard fires always die before the sun comes up,
and it seems I always find a way to relate them to you.
Burning out too early. This plan we had is fading.
This basement's been too quiet since September. And your motives changed.
You wanted us to keep this going,
but I guess the snow and leaves aren't the only thing that's falling.

Back to my ribcage melting into my bed, and uneasy breathing while you swim inside my head [x3]