Testo the irony of it all

[Drinker]

Hello, Hello

My name's Terry and I'm a law-abider

There's nothing I like more than getting fired up on beer
And when the weekend's here

I exercise my right to get paralytic and fight

Good bloke fairly

But I get well leery when geezers look at me funny

Bounce 'em round like bunnies

I'm likely to cause mischief

Good clean grief you must believe

And I ain't no thief, law-abiding and all, all legal
And who cares about my liver when it feels good?

What you need is some real manhood

Rasher, Rasher, burning cash up

Putting people's backs up

Public disorder, I'll give you public disorder

I down eight pints and run all over the place

Spit in the face of an officer

See if that bothers ya

'Cause I never broke a law in my life

Some day I'm gonna settle down with a wife

Come on lads let's have another fight



[Marijuana Smoker]

Um, Hello

My name's Tim and I'm a criminal

In the eyes of society I need to be in jail

For the choice of herbs I inhale

This ain't no wholesale operation

Just a few eighths and some Playstation's my vocation

I pose a threat to the nation

And down at the station the police hold no patience

Let's talk space and time

I like to get deep sometimes

And think about Einstein and Carl Jung

And old Kung Fu movies I like to see

Pass the hydrator please

Yeah, I'm floating on thin air

Going to Amsterdam in the New Year - top gear there

'Cause I take pride in my hobby

Home-made bongs using my engineering degree

"Dear leaders, please legalize weed for these reasons."



[Drinker]

Like I was saying to him

I told him, "F**k with me and you won't live."

So I smacked him in the head and downed another Carling

Bada Bada Bing

For the lad's like, mad fight

His face a sad sight, Vodka and Snake Bite

Going on like a right geez

He's a twat!

Shouldn't have looked at me like that

Anyway, I'm an upstanding citizen

If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em

Can't stand crime either, them hooligans on heroin

Drugs and criminals

Those thugs are the pinnacle of the downfall of society

I've got all the anger pent up inside of me



[Marijuana Smoker]

You know, I don't see why I should be the criminal

How can something with no recorded fatalities be illegal?

And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol?

I just completed Gran Turismo on the hardest setting

We pose no threat on my setee

Ooh the pizza's here, will someone let him in please?

We didn't order chicken

Not a problem, we'll pick it out

I doubt they meant to mess us about

After all we're all adults, not louts

As I was saying, we're friendly peaceful people

We're not the ones out there causing trouble

We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters

Discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is

MTV, BBC 2, Channel 4 is on until six in the morning

Then at six in the morning the sun dawns and it's my bedtime



[Drinker]

Causing trouble?!

Your stinking rabble boys

Saying I'm the lad who's spoiling it

You're on drugs

It really bugs me when people try and tell me I'm a thug

Just for getting drunk

I like getting drunk

'Cause I'm an upstanding citizen

If a war came along I'd be on the front line with 'em



[Marijuana Smoker]

Now Terry, you're repeating yourself

But that's okay, drunk people can't help that

A chemical reaction happening inside your brain causes you to forget what you're saying



[Drinker]

What?

I know exactly what I'm saying

I'm perfectly sane

You stinking student lame-o

Go get a job and stop robbing us of our taxes



[Marijuana Smoker]

Um, well actually according to research

Government funding for further education pales in insignificance

When compared to how much they spend on repairing leery drunk people at the weekend

In casualty wards all over the land



[Drinker]

Why you cheeky little swine, come here!

I'm gonna batter ya!

Come here!