Testo (The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

VELMA
Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and turn.
TRACY
Oh my god, Penny, there's Link, Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning!
PENNY
I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!
VELMA
Fron't step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and, oh, Amber, look at this motly crew! AMBER
Oh, mother not more ancient history!
VELMA
Oh, my God how times have changed, this girls must be blind, or completly deranged!
But, times seem to halt since I won Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Amber, that move is far too dirty!
AMBER
Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930!
VELMA
You can laugh, but lifes a test!
Don't do this, don't do that!
Remember, Mother knows best!
And the crowns in the valt
when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
AMBER With you perfect ammunition.
VELMA
Let me show you how you Mommy dear
took out tha competition.
Girls, go down, boys lets ramba!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Those poor runner ups
mite still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed tha judges!
AH! boys, put me down!
Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got!
COUNCIL MEMBERS
Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mamba!
VELMA
On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bumping bind!
AMBER
Whats that, a dance for fucking ticks?
VELMA
Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks!
I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting Aida
and preparing SOUFLEES!
With that triple somersault
As I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!
DANCE BREAK!
VELMA
Proceed.
AMBER
Are you scared, we're on live?
TRACY
No, I'm sure I can cope.
AMBER
Well, this show isn't broadcast in
COUNCIL GIRLS
Cinemascope!
VELMA
I never drank 1 chocolate malt
no deserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!
AMBER
This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes!
VELMA
Kid, she'll never get a date
with that who-ville nose!
I would say
OI! guvilut
if I wasnt miss baltimore crabs
AMBER
Do you dance like you dress?
LINK
Amber, theres no need 2 be creul
VELMA
wuld u swm in an intergrated pool?
TRACY
i sur wuld! im all 4 intergration! its tha new frontier!
VELMA
Not in baltimore, it isnt!
and may i be frank
1st impressions can be tough
and when i saw u i new
if ur size wasnt enough
your last answer just blew it!
and so mi dear
so short and stout
ull never be in
so were kickin u out!
with ur form and ur fate
o, it isn't ur falt!
just down with a case of
ENSEMBLE
Miss Baltimore
VELMA
Crabs!
PENNY
I think they secretly liked u!
LIL INEZ
May I please audition?
VELMA
Of course not
but u can bow and exalt
for i am miss baltimore crabs!
COUNCIL GIRLS
crabs, crabs, crabs