Testo At Thirty-Two

At Thirty-Two - Doug Raiden (Parody to "At Seventeen" by Janis Ian) At thirty-two I learned the truth That growing old is just as bad as youth. Girls, they only used to scoff. Nowadays they flip you off. At thirty-two my life's a mess. My hair fell out from too much stress. I'm overweight, my vision's poor. I haven't had sex since '94. And those of us with paltry wages Whose careers are in their downward stages Are often forced to hide at home From bill collectors on the phone Who want you to repay their loan. I murmur vague obscenities At credit card companies. Those who only stand and wait Are there 'cause they can't get a date. The last woman to go out with me Charged a $200 fee. The haven for the elderly Is now a pollution-spewing factory. The rich-relationed hometown queen Used to be a guy named Gene. And even if you win the game, After tax there is no gain. You needn't be a CPA To see that working doesn't pay When your empty wallet gapes at you 'Cause the deductions on your W-2 Exceed the income due At thirty-two ? To ugly girls I'd like to say What are you doing Saturday? And to people who've contracted AIDS, Sorry, but at least you got laid. Long ago and far away Was not much different than today. Growing old won't change your luck 'Cause ugly ducklings become ugly ducks. And every night with no one there I play a hand of solitaire, Romancing lovers, names unknown By breathing heavy into the phone. I murmur vague obscenities. They think I have Tourette's disease. But it could be worse ? We'll see At thirty-three.